No More Drama!

I hear you Mary J. When I heard this song by Mary J in conjunction with hearing of people going through crazy relationship issues, I thought to offer some help to those who are Christian, single and dating or looking to date. Although you will not be able to alleviate all drama, you can make better dating relationship decisions that will hopefully and prayerfully reduce it.

So I have compiled some questions that you need to consider and ones that you may want to ask (Side Note: You not only need to ask, but you need to observe to see if his/her life is matching up to what they say) of your "prospect" BEFORE you start seriously dating him or her. You can also ask these questions if you are currently in a dating relationship. Here we go.

1. Does he or she have a GROWING relationship with Jesus?

This question implies that he/she has repented of his/her sin and placed his/her trust in Jesus' death on the cross for his/her sins and His resurrection from the dead. If he/she answers this question by saying that he/she goes to church, you need to ask again because he/she hasn't answered the question. A person can attend church and not know Jesus personally!

To date someone who does not believe in Jesus is setting yourself up for some serious conflict and possible compromise down the road. Why? Well, just ask Solomon what CAN happen when you marry (in your case it would be seriously dating and possibly looking to get married one day) someone - well in his case it was 700, but you get the point - who does not have a relationship with God (see 1 Kings 11:1-9ff).

Now I know what some of you might be thinking: "Well, maybe in the course of dating him/her I can help him/her come to know Jesus." Okay, I know you are serious, but c'mon! You and I both know that you can do that by just being friends. To date someone in hopes that you can win him/her to Jesus is not wise. You don't need to date someone in order to effectively share Jesus with them. So, I say this in love, stop the madness, stop using that reasoning to convince yourself that that is what you are doing and to justify staying in that dating relationship when you know the Lord has told you to break it off. Rant completed. Now back to what I was saying. :)

What do I mean when I say "growing"? In other words, what are some characteristics that a person will exhibit if he/she has a "growing" relationship with Jesus?

a. He/she will be devoting time to reading, studying, and applying the Scriptures, which the Holy Spirit uses to grow us into the image of Jesus (i.e., sanctification = living and loving like Jesus). (John 17:17; 1 Peter 2:2-3)

b. He/she will confess sin to and seek forgiveness from God in Jesus (1 John 1:9) and will continually submit himself/herself to the Holy Spirit's sanctifying (i.e., becoming more like Jesus) work in his/her life, which will be evident by His fruit in his/her life. (Eph. 5:18; Gal. 5:16, 22-25)

c. Hhe/she will be striving against sin (or, putting sin to death) in their daily lives in Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit according to the Scriptures. (Eph. 4:20-22; Col. 3:1-10; 1 Pet. 2:1)

d. He/she will seek to faithfully DO what the Bible says. (James 1:22-24)

e. He/she will live in the realization that he/she is loved by Jesus and as a result will seek to love people - that includes you - like Him. (John 15:9, 12; 1 John 3:16, 4:7-11, 21)

2. Is he/she committed to a local church (i.e., a local community of believers) - and submitting to its leadership - where he/she is being encouraged to love others and do good works and being held accountable to live a Christ-like life? (Hebrews 10:24-25, 13:17)

3. Does he/she have a growing track record of considering other people more significant/important than himself/herself? Does he/she look not only to his/her own interests, but also to the interests of others, like Jesus? (Phil. 2:3-5ff)

Okay, so let me break it down a bit as to how this might look in a dating situation.

Guys:

Does she always expect you to pay for dinner and never at least offer to pay or chip in? Red flag!
Does she get mad when you take her to Burger King/McDonald's even after you have explained to her that you are on a tight budget? Red flag!
Does she spend the majority of the conversation telling you how her day was, but never ask you how yours went, or doesn't seem the least bit interested? Red flag!
Does she flat trip out on you or start pouting for wanting to have a bite of her favorite food? Red flag!

Ladies:

Does it like seriously bother him if he has to miss out on a pre-season game, or a game of 21 to spend time with you? Red flag!
Does he foam at the mouth in frustration when you accidently drop food or leave a small piece of hardened dirt from your shoe on the car floor? Red flag!
Does he get offended by you asking him to turn off or put down his crackberry or iphone to spend time talking with you? Red flag!
Hypothetical Question - If you drove his car and got into an accident, would the first question to come out of his mouth be: "How bad is the car messed up?" or "Are you okay?" Hopefully it would be the latter. :)

4. Is he/she slow to get angry during a conflict? (Prov. 14:29; James 1:19-20)

a. When a conflict ensues, does he/she try to speak gently or does he/she have a tendency to "go there"? (Prov. 15:1)

b. Is he/she quick to give people "a piece of his/her mind"? Is he/she quick to cuss someone out? (James 3:9-12)

5. Is he/she known for "double dating," cheating, two-timing, creeping, etc.? This might be an indication that he/she will have trouble committing to you in a dating relationship.

YOU can't domestic someone who is used to running wild and free. It is best that you let him/her roam in the wild without you in the picture until he/she gets to a point with God's help that they are ready to "habitat" with you in a dating relationship. You will save yourself a lot of grief this way.

6. Is dating him/her going to hinder or help my growth in Jesus?

7. Is dating him/her going to be a bad reflection on Jesus or will it bring glory to Him?

There are way more questions that you can and need to ask than what I have listed here, but this should give you a pretty good foundation upon which to build.

Closing thought: Of course, no man or woman is perfect. So you may not want to cut him/her off too fast, or don't jettison the dating relationship too quickly WHEN you discover certain sins in a person's life (some dating relationships need to be cut off quickly - use some common sense). You just need to make note of those things. And remember, you are not perfect either. But please take ALL things into consideration, pray, lay his/her life up next to Jesus looking to the Scriptures and examine him/her, seek counsel from other Christian brothers and sisters BEFORE you make a decision.

P.S. - As always, be sure that you are growing in your own personal relationship with Jesus and asking those questions to yourself as well.

For the glory of Jesus,

Ed Johnson III